The Best of the Worst: A Quarter Century of Music

The new year, for some of us it starts on January first, for students it begins in the fall with school, and for others, it begins on the day you get a little older and a little less wise. My year is marked by a Catholic, Pagan, Communist holiday, May First, the day I was born. To commemorate the passing of a quarter of a century under my belt, I have chosen to provide you all with a little list of infamy. My list is about music that has struck a very out of tune chord within me, videos whose sole purpose is to make those watching them slightly uncomfortable yet utterly fascinated, and performance that walks the line between naive camp and sophisticated farce. The list starts here:

5. Fuck My Heart
This song wins for the over all best/worst lyrics ever written. Had it not been for the musical integrator, Grey Day and a little tip off by yours truly, this amazing rendition of one suicide girl's personal diary entry/song lyrics would have gone virtually un-noticed. I think some of the the most poignant lyrics are: "Fuck my heart. Fuck it apart with reality and truth" and "This garden is like a molested cunt in winter". The song Fuck My Heart smells like it sounds, Juicy.

4. America We Stand As One
This song is really bad, it's especially bad because it is utterly honest. I mean, its not one of those jokey things like the last song, oh no, it is ridiculously earnest, in fact the artist has a website devoted to the cause. And the cause is America We Stand As One. I think this may have been some kind of September 11th inspired patriotic crap, but in the best worst way. The America We Stand As One video features Dennis Madalone in all his patricotic glory. There are beaches turned to American flags, firemen holding American flags and children, lots of children and angels.

3. Crackpot
Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse... Here comes Crackpot. This song is amazingly bad, and wonderfully current featured on this Toronto recording studio website as an example of their "Killer" recording. It reminds me of The Modern Lovers on crack (hence crackpot). Crackpot's website is a nightmare to navigate, and really ugly, kind of inline with the music. One of my favorite lines is: "Everything you say is wonderful. That is why you are so fuckable (not that I'd want to but...)" Yea, you get the picture.

2. I Wanna Love You Tender
See the picture above of all the smiling Finnish people with D&A shirts? That is a still from I Wanna Love You Tender. This video was released 1978 is by some obscure Finnish band, Danny and Armi, the video is bad in the best way. I am totally certain that the dancers in the video are giving it their all, and they make the video what it is: RAD! The casual and often off beat dancers, in matching white sweaters with D&A and Burgundy bell bottoms, rival any high school dance team. They use some crazy peel off lines that reveal the disco singers Danny and Armi (who later ride off into space in a 1950s car). I think that since the video was made Armi has died, but Danny is still doing music according to his website. he has some upcoming shows... in Finland.

1. Apache Boy
By far, the best worst video is Apache Boy. This video is not a joke, not at all. It features a goober singer in tribal tassels and three dancing "native girls" who are really some kind of bad white jazz dancers in halter tops. The drummer is straight out of Spinal Tap performing in front of a mini tipi that could maybe hold a small dog. Surprisingly, however, the song is really catchy- actually it was originally a Ventures song. Rock out to this #1 best-worst hit!

Politics OH! Politics

I know this is a music journal, but I was angry and alarmed at the activities and Police brutality which occured here in Santa Cruz last night. I work at UCSC campus and was a student here for five years. The students on campus are protesting increasing tuition coupled with the fireing of faculty and staff, while top level administrators get pay raises and bonuses... I have never seen anything like the images I have seen today on this video of the protest authored by my friend an co worker Marty Shulman. I have no words to explain how I feel, the only song I can think of is I Luv The Valley OH, by xiu xiu.

Euromotion Dance Revealed

After a few months of tenuous waiting, I am bringing you a full interview with the magic love eurobeat, discopunk, excessively futuristic and German band, EUROMOTION! Plus, I have an exclusive video from a recent Santa Cruz show, from the XIP website! Here goes:

"Sorry this took so long. The band has been so busy I had to do the
interview myself" -Svendle (Svendle is Euromotion's Computer Mouse)

When did Euromotion form?

Euromotion was created when Skeeter met Uter and Fritz in Dance Church
in 3012. They liked to dance and make the jam that was the cause of
dance.

On What planet/galaxy?

It was here on Earth, in the Milky Way. It is a common misconception
that Euromotion is aliens. Alien music is much more difficult to dance to.

Who is in the band?

At different times it is different people. Some the core members are: ,
Skeeter (singer), Uter (bass pumper), Antonio (bass pumper, percussion),
Fritz (guitar), Otto (keyboard), Tahgette (Keyboard), Zutrina (Drums)


Why did your mom name you Svendle?

I did not have a mom, I am a computer mouse. Skeeter made up my name
because he liked the sound of it. I don't love it but it's better then
no name.


Do you help compose the songs?

Sometimes. Usually I am in charge of making the band behave and get to
their shows on time.


What inspires you to make the Danse Music?

Antonio says: "It is good for people to have fun time." Skeeter says"
Dancing is a good time, and many people don't know how to do it."


Is it frustrating to use our ancient synthesizers when you're used to
using synthesizers of the future?

We like to sound of ancient 2005 technology, but it is frustrating
because they break when it gets wild on the dance floor and then there is
no music.


How many times have fans tried to rip your clothes?

This happens many times when people keep there emotions of love inside and
then they hear Euromotion and they cannot contain themselves. We don't
mind, but we feel bad that the feeling is held inside for all the rest of
the time.


Have you played any intergalactic dance parties?

We play some good ones in the Intergalactic Dance Exposition of 5456.
Alien dance move are difficult to feel the emotions, because sometimes
it is just a slug slithering about. But all dance is beautiful, so it
was still a jam.

What is your relationship to Santa Cruz?

It is a fun place to visit, especially we love 2005. Our 2005 contact is
from Santa Cruz, so we like to play there and stay at his mom's house.


Who writes the songs?

We all get together and have a dance party with no music and then the
song comes to us. We are not sure how it works.


What are the new dance moves you are working on?

We are always working on new dance moves. We show them on our next visit.


What do they look like?

Antonio is exploring the many possibilities of the pelvic thrust, while
Skeeter has been studying Kung Fu for inspiration. Tahgette likes to do
the "Bumper".


Why are they so cool?

Because they are free. They are the union of jams and life, and an
expression of good times.


What do you use to fill the black hole inside?

I like to have adventures and find the ladies.


Do you have a girl/boyfriend?

No, Skeeter and Uter always take the girls. It is because that I am a
computer mouse, and they are handsome superstars.


Will you play a show with my band Cosmic Star(www.cosmicstar.co.uk)?

Yes


Will you play a party at my house?

Yes

Describe your best outfit.

I don't wear any clothes, I am a computer mouse.


Any words of inspiration for super fans in 2005?

It is a pleasant surprise that anyone is listening to Euromotion as
early as 2005. Keep dancing, and the future is a beautiful miracle.

I leave you with two of my favorite Euromotion songs:

Dance Move Burglar

Lost in Time and Space.

All of their songs are available for download on the EUROMOTION! website in mediocre mp3 form!

New Wave Dyke, the one I like!

I stumbled across a little gem of a CD at the Alternative Press Expo this weekend in San Francisco. Althought this show mainly features printed zines and indie comics, sometimes there are CDs for sale. Fortunately I purchased New Wave Dyke, who released a cryptic twelve song CD that was just called "Songs". New Wave Dyke is made up of one Ian D. Piirtola, or so says my CD cover. According to his website, he is a design student at the University of Hotlanta (Atlanta?), and he only ownes two Paul Mcartney album and one SPARKS album. I am really glad about the Sparks connection, because I wrote about them last week and that makes this eerie... My favoriate song from the CD is Happy Birthday, Maria which is also available for downoad from his website. It is a little discopunk ballad with some high pictched "Make-Upesque" vocals. The instrumentation seems pretty basic except for a some synth and space sounnds at the beginning. Unfortunately, the song is a little too short for my tastes at 1:44 minutes. However the sound quality is low-fi enough to dance to on cassette. You can purchase the album from New Wave Dyke by emailing him (I think it costs $2.00). He released a five song EP called "You Ruin My Trip Again and I'll Ruin Your Face" but, that was not the one I purchased.

New Wave Dyke also has a song on the exciting Teenbeat tribute album, Relax Brother, Relax: A Twentieth Anniversary Tribute to Teenbeat Records [MMM025] This album is available for download in .flac of mp3. There are a number of excellent songs on the album, a little layered indie anti-loveballad I like is Yo, Yo, Yo {Originally by +/-} performed by Scrabbel. The song is simple asnd sweet, in the vein of yo la tengo and the Microphones. They are a local, SF band, which formed in 1999 after the band members went to see Sonic Youth, Looper, Sleater Kinney, The Boredoms and others at what I assume was a show I attended - "This Ain't No Picnic" in LA. Thier website has a few mp3s to listen to, I recommend checking them out!